He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
