dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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