An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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