porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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