a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
