Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
