THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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