So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
