What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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