I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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