Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
