I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
