Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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