I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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