She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
