Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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