Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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