they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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