Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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