It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
