Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
