How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
