she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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