I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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