So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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