Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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