marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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