um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
