I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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