I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
