It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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