ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
