Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
