can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
