what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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