So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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