today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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