If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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