I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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