what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
