i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
