oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
