Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The ass gains better be worth it
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