No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
