shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
