And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
