If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
