Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
