Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
