how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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