he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
